My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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