It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
