you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
try to milk me bitch
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