I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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