you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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