It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
