I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
