You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
