I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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