I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
