At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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