I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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