tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
