you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
