We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
