Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
