Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Everclear isn't food dammit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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