just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
