I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
