whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
