SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Semen is not good for contacts.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
