I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
