I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
