Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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