Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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