How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
