so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Everclear isn't food dammit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
