i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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