So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
