You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
