your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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