So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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