you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
