I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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