I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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