I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
