I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
