I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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