I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
