She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
