I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
