Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
