I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
