great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
