Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
