why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
