when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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