there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
