she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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