When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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