Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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