I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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