Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
